I LOVED these 2 clowns, I think I have seen every episode on MTV 10 times each minimum, they were perfect for when I was going to college, anyway, I found some great quotes...ENJOY
Bradley Buzzcut: You not only fail this assignment, you fail more miserably than any student I have the misfortune to teach.
Workman #1: Looks like we found the sewage leak.
Workman #2: Aw, man. And I just showered the day before yesterday.
Beavis: Yes, yes, fire, fire, fire.
Watching a bad video
Butt-head: Stop in the name of all which does not suck.
Butt-head: This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before.
Butt-head: When you walk the walk, you like, gotta talk too.
at Burger World
Customer: Are your shakes made with real milk and ice cream? Or do you use that reconstituted shake mix stuff?
Beavis: Yeah. Huh, huh, huh, huh.
Customer: What do you mean? Yeah, you use the shake mix, or yeah, you use the real stuff?
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Customer: Let me talk to the manager.
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Butt-Head shows up
Butt-head: I'm the Assistant Manager, sir. Is there something I can help you with?
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Customer: Yes. I am trying to ask a very simple question here. Are your shakes made from shake mix or from ice cream and milk?
Butt-head: Uh... we have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Customer: Forget it. Forget it. God, can't you idiots answer a simple question? I'll go somewhere else. God, morons. A couple of imbeciles.
leaves
Butt-head: Let's go break something.
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Orthodontist: Well, Butt-head, we're not seeing a lot of progress here. Have you been wearing your rubber bands and headgear at night?
Butt-head: Huh Huh Huh. Head Gear.
Butt-head: Uh, Beavis, did you cut the cheese? Huh huh huh.
Beavis: Uh, heh heh, I don't think so.
Child: The baby's diaper is dirty.
Butt-head: Oh really? Huh huh huh, that's cool.
Beavis: Yeah, I'm tellin' ya, Butt-Head, that kid kicks ass.
Child: Read me a story.
Butt-head: No way, you don't have to read if you're not in school, dude. Huh huh huh.
reciting a sentence for her speech therapy class
Butt-head: Whoa, huh huh, she just said "ass munch".
Beavis: Heh heh, this chick rules.
reciting another sentence
Butt-head: Whoa, she just said "butt hole". Huh huh.
Beavis: School sucks.
Principal McVicker: You watch your mouth you little pain in the ass.
After being told that they just made a citizen's arrest
Butt-head: That cop said that we can like arrest people, because we're citizen's.
Beavis: Yah, hmm hmm. Cit-E-Sins.
Butt-head: Uh huh huh. Beware the long arm of Butt-head.
Beavis: Yah, Beware the long wiener of Beavis.
Buzzcut is keeping Beavis and Butt-head after school in the weight room
Buzzcut: What makes you think you're a man?
Butt-head: Huh-huh, We've got testicles.
Buzzcut: You think that makes you a man? I'll show you a real man... kick me in the jimmy.
Butt-head kicks him in the nuts, Buzzcut strains
Buzzcut: Yyyyeessss. Kick me again, harder.
Butt-head kicks him again, Buzzcut strains
Buzzcut: Yyyyeessss.
Butt-head: Whoa, that was cool.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, Shut Up.
They watch a Yanni video
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis. This guy's your dad.
Digging for oil in their backyard
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis. We're in a hole. Huh-huh.
Beavis hits a pipe with his shovel
Beavis: Hey, Butt-head. I just felt something.
thinking he meant a boner
Beavis: No, Butt-head. I felt something with my shovel.
Beavis hits the pipe and makes a hole in it. Sewage starts coming out
Beavis: Oil, Butt-head. It's oil. We've struck oil.
Butt-head: Cool. Oil smells like turds.
Beavis: Yeah. That's probably why it's so expensive.
At Burger World
Tom Anderson: Say, you boys look kinda familiar. Aren't you them kids that spray-painted my dog last week?
Butt-head: Uh... that was... other kids.
Beavis: Yeah. Heh heh.
Tom Anderson: All right. I'll have large fries, pie, large coffee. NOW. You got that there, bubba?
Butt-head: Uh...
Tom Anderson: I didn't order "uh". I ordered large fries, pie, large coffee.
watching a Jerry Lee Lewis video
Beavis: I am The Great Cornholio. I need TP for my Bunghole.
In a Third world accent
watching the video for "What I Am" by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians
Butt-head: She's married to that short, old guy.
Beavis: Yeah, that dude from Africa who used to be in the Beatles.
Beavis and Butthead just found two muddy golf balls
Butt-head: Beavis, your balls are filthy. Go to the ball-washer.
Daria Morgendorffer: You two will never graduate.
Butt-head: Never masturbate?
Daria Morgendorffer: GRADuate. As in, like finish school.
Beavis: You mean, like, school ends?
Daria Morgendorffer: Yeah.
Beavis: Cool.
watching the video for Donny Osmond's "Sacred Emotion"
Butt-head: I heard their dad, Lee Harvey Osmond, like, killed one of the Presidents.
Beavis: I heard they're all a bunch of Morons.
Describing Beavis and Butt-head to the police
Tom Anderson: One of them calls himself "Butthole". And the other one's name is Joe, I think
Cop: What do they look like, sir?
Tom Anderson: I believe they're Oriental.
Bradley Buzzcut: Shut up or I will kill you. Do you understand? Shut up or I will physically kill you.
while watching a KISS video
Butthead: You know, these guys are pretty cool for a bunch of mimes.
After peeking down a hairdressers top
Butt-head: Beavis, I have seen the top of the mountain. And it is good.
Talking about a scat video
Beavis: They should have a name for this kinda of music.
Butt-head: They already do Beavis: crap.
Substitute Teacher: So what's your name?
Butt-head: Joe
Substitute Teacher: Joe What?
Butt-head: Joe Mama
Substitute Teacher: That's funny!, How about you? What's your name?
Beavis: Umm... Jack... Jack Mama.
Substitute Teacher: Well you can't blame someone for trying.
Buzzcut: So, Beavis and Butt-head, I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys. Yeah, a little probation. You see, class, Beavis and Butt-head here are not allowed to laugh for a whole week. That's right, and if they do laugh they'll be expelled, and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents.
Buzzcut and the other students laugh; Beavis and Butt-head try to hold it in
Buzzcut: Well, I was real glad to hear that, because this is sex education week. That's right, sex ed week. We're gonna be talkin' about the PENIS! We'll be talkin' about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butt-head? Do you find it amusing that we'll be talkin' about the TESTICLES? Yes, we're also gonna be talkin' about VENEREAL DISEASE! SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! And we will definitely be spending a lot of time talking about MASTURBATION!
Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter
A teacher asks Butt-head if he is angry for some reason
Butt-head: Uhhhh... I'm, like, angry at numbers.
Beavis: Yeah, there's like, too many of them and stuff.
Bradley Buzzcut: You not only fail this assignment, you fail more miserably than any student I have the misfortune to teach.
Workman #1: Looks like we found the sewage leak.
Workman #2: Aw, man. And I just showered the day before yesterday.
Beavis: Yes, yes, fire, fire, fire.
Watching a bad video
Butt-head: Stop in the name of all which does not suck.
Butt-head: This sucks more than anything that has ever sucked before.
Butt-head: When you walk the walk, you like, gotta talk too.
at Burger World
Customer: Are your shakes made with real milk and ice cream? Or do you use that reconstituted shake mix stuff?
Beavis: Yeah. Huh, huh, huh, huh.
Customer: What do you mean? Yeah, you use the shake mix, or yeah, you use the real stuff?
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Customer: Let me talk to the manager.
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Butt-Head shows up
Butt-head: I'm the Assistant Manager, sir. Is there something I can help you with?
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Customer: Yes. I am trying to ask a very simple question here. Are your shakes made from shake mix or from ice cream and milk?
Butt-head: Uh... we have vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Customer: Forget it. Forget it. God, can't you idiots answer a simple question? I'll go somewhere else. God, morons. A couple of imbeciles.
leaves
Butt-head: Let's go break something.
Beavis: Yeah. Hhm, hhm, heh, huh.
Orthodontist: Well, Butt-head, we're not seeing a lot of progress here. Have you been wearing your rubber bands and headgear at night?
Butt-head: Huh Huh Huh. Head Gear.
Butt-head: Uh, Beavis, did you cut the cheese? Huh huh huh.
Beavis: Uh, heh heh, I don't think so.
Child: The baby's diaper is dirty.
Butt-head: Oh really? Huh huh huh, that's cool.
Beavis: Yeah, I'm tellin' ya, Butt-Head, that kid kicks ass.
Child: Read me a story.
Butt-head: No way, you don't have to read if you're not in school, dude. Huh huh huh.
reciting a sentence for her speech therapy class
Butt-head: Whoa, huh huh, she just said "ass munch".
Beavis: Heh heh, this chick rules.
reciting another sentence
Butt-head: Whoa, she just said "butt hole". Huh huh.
Beavis: School sucks.
Principal McVicker: You watch your mouth you little pain in the ass.
After being told that they just made a citizen's arrest
Butt-head: That cop said that we can like arrest people, because we're citizen's.
Beavis: Yah, hmm hmm. Cit-E-Sins.
Butt-head: Uh huh huh. Beware the long arm of Butt-head.
Beavis: Yah, Beware the long wiener of Beavis.
Buzzcut is keeping Beavis and Butt-head after school in the weight room
Buzzcut: What makes you think you're a man?
Butt-head: Huh-huh, We've got testicles.
Buzzcut: You think that makes you a man? I'll show you a real man... kick me in the jimmy.
Butt-head kicks him in the nuts, Buzzcut strains
Buzzcut: Yyyyeessss. Kick me again, harder.
Butt-head kicks him again, Buzzcut strains
Buzzcut: Yyyyeessss.
Butt-head: Whoa, that was cool.
Butt-head: Dammit Beavis, Shut Up.
They watch a Yanni video
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis. This guy's your dad.
Digging for oil in their backyard
Butt-head: Hey, Beavis. We're in a hole. Huh-huh.
Beavis hits a pipe with his shovel
Beavis: Hey, Butt-head. I just felt something.
thinking he meant a boner
Beavis: No, Butt-head. I felt something with my shovel.
Beavis hits the pipe and makes a hole in it. Sewage starts coming out
Beavis: Oil, Butt-head. It's oil. We've struck oil.
Butt-head: Cool. Oil smells like turds.
Beavis: Yeah. That's probably why it's so expensive.
At Burger World
Tom Anderson: Say, you boys look kinda familiar. Aren't you them kids that spray-painted my dog last week?
Butt-head: Uh... that was... other kids.
Beavis: Yeah. Heh heh.
Tom Anderson: All right. I'll have large fries, pie, large coffee. NOW. You got that there, bubba?
Butt-head: Uh...
Tom Anderson: I didn't order "uh". I ordered large fries, pie, large coffee.
watching a Jerry Lee Lewis video
Beavis: I am The Great Cornholio. I need TP for my Bunghole.
In a Third world accent
watching the video for "What I Am" by Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians
Butt-head: She's married to that short, old guy.
Beavis: Yeah, that dude from Africa who used to be in the Beatles.
Beavis and Butthead just found two muddy golf balls
Butt-head: Beavis, your balls are filthy. Go to the ball-washer.
Daria Morgendorffer: You two will never graduate.
Butt-head: Never masturbate?
Daria Morgendorffer: GRADuate. As in, like finish school.
Beavis: You mean, like, school ends?
Daria Morgendorffer: Yeah.
Beavis: Cool.
watching the video for Donny Osmond's "Sacred Emotion"
Butt-head: I heard their dad, Lee Harvey Osmond, like, killed one of the Presidents.
Beavis: I heard they're all a bunch of Morons.
Describing Beavis and Butt-head to the police
Tom Anderson: One of them calls himself "Butthole". And the other one's name is Joe, I think
Cop: What do they look like, sir?
Tom Anderson: I believe they're Oriental.
Bradley Buzzcut: Shut up or I will kill you. Do you understand? Shut up or I will physically kill you.
while watching a KISS video
Butthead: You know, these guys are pretty cool for a bunch of mimes.
After peeking down a hairdressers top
Butt-head: Beavis, I have seen the top of the mountain. And it is good.
Talking about a scat video
Beavis: They should have a name for this kinda of music.
Butt-head: They already do Beavis: crap.
Substitute Teacher: So what's your name?
Butt-head: Joe
Substitute Teacher: Joe What?
Butt-head: Joe Mama
Substitute Teacher: That's funny!, How about you? What's your name?
Beavis: Umm... Jack... Jack Mama.
Substitute Teacher: Well you can't blame someone for trying.
Buzzcut: So, Beavis and Butt-head, I understand Mr. McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys. Yeah, a little probation. You see, class, Beavis and Butt-head here are not allowed to laugh for a whole week. That's right, and if they do laugh they'll be expelled, and they'll have to go to Hope High School where they'll get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents.
Buzzcut and the other students laugh; Beavis and Butt-head try to hold it in
Buzzcut: Well, I was real glad to hear that, because this is sex education week. That's right, sex ed week. We're gonna be talkin' about the PENIS! We'll be talkin' about the VAGINA! Do you think that's funny, Butt-head? Do you find it amusing that we'll be talkin' about the TESTICLES? Yes, we're also gonna be talkin' about VENEREAL DISEASE! SEXUAL INTERCOURSE! And we will definitely be spending a lot of time talking about MASTURBATION!
Beavis and Butt-head struggle to hold in their laughter
A teacher asks Butt-head if he is angry for some reason
Butt-head: Uhhhh... I'm, like, angry at numbers.
Beavis: Yeah, there's like, too many of them and stuff.
